Marrying for Papers

Another alteration on the life course that I encountered was some 1.5GUY’s hypothetical contingency plan to get married in order to legalize ULS. Both males and females alike had seriously considered, researched, and even begun preparations. However, some other 1.5GUY rejected the idea of marrying for papers due to perceptions of immorality, not wanting to break the law, the discomfort associated with “using another person,” not wanting to be dependent upon someone else, and the importance of marrying for love, not need. I examine youth’s narratives that reject marriage as a viable option before turning to those who have more seriously considered it.

While Leonardo explained that he has considered returning to Brazil “a lot” during his high school years, he explained of the notion of marrying for papers “I could never do that… some people have the courage to do that, I don’t.” Colombian-born Lina stated that “there is no pathway for me to adjust status unless I get married, and I am not ready to do so” even though she was in a long-term

relationship. Mexican-born Cristina also rejected the idea and declared: “I don’t want to depend on somebody just for citizenship papers. That is not me. That is using somebody and I don’t want to do that.” Instead, the current high school student preferred to set her aspirations on college, as she felt “it is shooting two birds with one stone. I can get my education and I am hoping I can get my social security number.” However, she noted that getting married for papers was a potential, longer term option: “my first resort is to go to college and work at a company. If that doesn’t work out then yes, my final option is to get married and get a visa, to get citizenship.”

Ecuadorian-born Javier is one example of a 1.5GUY I met with who had seriously considered getting married not out of personal choice, but rather due to parental pressure. He explained that his parents

“pushed” him to explore this option, but added “I am not comfortable doing it. I know it’s against the law, but one of the things that also pushes me not to do that is my religion. And two, I don’t really

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want to take advantage of a person that way.” Javier continued: “I feel wrong marrying someone just for papers. It doesn’t feel right to me. If I ever do get married, I want to do it because I love the person, not because I need papers,” which suggest a tension between need and desire.

That Javier has no intentions of getting married for papers does not mean that this notion has not negatively influenced his current intimate relationship. He said that he has shared his ULS with his girlfriend, which has caused her to question his motives and become “an issue in our relationship:”

She has been like “why are you with me? Is it really because you love me, or is it because you want papers?” I constantly tell her, “if I really wanted to marry you for papers, we would be married by now, so I don’t want to marry you for papers. That is really messed up.”

Notably, even if 1.5GUY do not legitimately consider this path, it can still negatively condition intimate relations, as significant others are caught between believing in love and worrying about motivations. The feelings of acceptance, love, and comfort that one normally desires in an intimate relationship may be replaced with suspicion or discomfort, as the desire to remain in the United States is conflated with the desire to have an interpersonal relationship.

Peruvian-born Elena, who came to New York at the age of six, was the only youth I met with who was married at the time of our interview. She emphasized that her marriage was for love, but also

acknowledged the practicalities: “I got married because I loved him, and also because I understood that if anything were to happen, he would be able to visit me in the detention center because he is my spouse.” Notably, Elena’s narrative illustrates the additional scenarios that 1.5GUY need to consider in their intimate relations and plan for as part of their everyday lives. Elena rationalized her decision, but clarified that she rejected the idea of converting her marriage out of love into a marriage through which she received legal status:

I am at a point where I don’t see that as a strategy or a solution for me. I have been pushed by my family. I have been pushed by him…But that does not resolve the issue at hand. I will get papers, but it still doesn’t deconstruct or restructure the immigration policies. Until that happens, I am not looking into doing that.

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As an active leader within the undocumented youth-led social movement, Elena was cognizant of the fact that one individual receiving legal status through marriage did not alter the bigger picture, nor solve the ULS of millions of other residents. She concluded: “if I am given the alternative to get citizenship, it still doesn’t solve the issue.”

There were, however, some 1.5GUY who said they would consider marrying for papers if there were no other option. For example, high school student Adriana stated candidly: “honestly, I think I would finish school and maybe marry someone. I would even pay someone to marry me for me papers, so they can fix my papers.” University student David said he would “definitely” get married if that were the only way to legalize his ULS, but argued that he did not think it was the only option: “there are a lot of different people who have obviously found different ways. Even with being undocumented, they find internships, they get stipends, things like that. It’s definitely an option for me. And I know I will get married eventually.” David added: “you know what is really terrible? If I fell in love with an undocumented girl,” in turn highlighting the irony that neither of them could help the other with their ULS.

Pilar had considered marrying her boyfriend, though it was still not her preference. She recalled that when she told her boyfriend of her ULS, his immediate reaction was to ask how he could help her get citizenship. Because Pilar wanted to remain in the United States and attend university, she sought the advice of a lawyer with her boyfriend. They both believed that marriage could be a means through which she could attain these goals, but the lawyer’s advice proved otherwise. Pilar was told that she would need to return to El Salvador anyway “for a ten year punishment.”²⁹ Of the possible return, Pilar proclaimed: “that would drive me nuts. I live here, I go to school here. What am I going to do there?”

and dropped the plans.

Of the youth I talked to, no one had come as close to marriage as Julia or Alfonso. I begin with Alfonso, who explained that he and his girlfriend had hired a lawyer, did most of the paperwork, and had the marriage process well underway when his girlfriend suddenly called things off:

29 Not all undocumented residents are eligible to legalize their ULS through marriage, as there are rules depending upon circumstances, including method of entry. Individuals who entered without inspection are ineligible for legalization through marriage. For a discussion on rules, risks, and limitations see e.g. Semotiuk (2014).

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The day we were going to get married, right? She called me and said “oh, afterall, no. It’s not going to happen.” This was my girlfriend. We were together. She said “no.” We had agreed, before this, to keep the marriage thing sort of a business, not an emotionally charged issue—to keep the relationship separate. After that, I felt sort of let on and

betrayed for so long. And it was so much money it had cost, too—and she knew that. And I had always asked her “are you sure? Before I take this next step, are you sure? We can stop here. It will be totally fine.” She had always said yes, so I was like “damn, was she always lying to me, or what?” I even got her a ring, too. It was a lot of money. This was with my parent’s approval and encouragement. After that, we ended up staying together for seven months…and they were just terrible.

In contrast to Javier, whose girlfriend I explained earlier began questioning his motives, it was Alfonso who felt betrayed and began to question his relationship. Even though the first plan to get married ended abruptly, the pair reconsidered the option and the same thing happened. Alfonso concluded that

“it was just such an emotional roller coaster” and that he will never consider the same process again.

Overall, he lamented that these contingency plans negatively affected the relationship and the couple ended up breaking up several months later.

Julia recalled that growing up in Chile, she never met anyone who was divorced and therefore “always had the idea that if I do get married, it would be a one-time thing.” In relation to the desperation Julia experienced during high school as she encountered challenges due to ULS, she began to think of ways to overcome the barriers. Marriage became one option, much to her dismay: “It’s so depressing to think about the fact that you are doing it just to get something out of it. It was just very different from what I grew up thinking I was going to do.” The expectations she had for marriage were dissonant to the current position she found herself in. She continued:

I had a friend who was a resident. I was talking to him on the phone. I forget how the idea got into my head. I said “so, would you do it? We can get divorced after three years” or however long it has to be. I didn’t even tell my parents I was doing this. His mom and my mom are really good friends. The next day, my mom goes over to his mom’s house and his mom was like “oh, by the way, this happened.” My mom started crying because then she

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started thinking about all of the possibilities…She picked me up from school that day and was like “thanks for telling me.”

While Julia’s father was completely against the idea, her mother was more accepting, as she realized

“all of the possibilities” that such a solution could bring Julia. Though the idea was “depressing,”

getting married seemed to be a better alternative than what she was experiencing in her lived reality.

Julia’s emotions vacillated between disappointment, despair, and hope for change:

I would have gone through the whole process. I was really tired at that point. Really disappointed in how my life had turned out to be because of this limitation. Because I thought I had come here for more than I received. I was just like “let me just do this, be done with it. It will be fine.”

Julia’s narrative suggests that she reached a tipping point in her life where her lived reality caused her to consider different plans than she ever believed she would pursue. However, circumstances abruptly changed, as two key events occurred almost simultaneously: DACA was announced, and Julia was accepted to university on a full scholarship. She recounted of both evens: “that is basically the reason I didn’t go through with [marriage].”

Julia mentioned that while she was against applying for DACA, especially because she was concerned that giving the government personal information could implicate her or her family members, it was the best alternative to marriage:

I knew the benefits, but I was just so scared of giving all of my information to immigration.

For them to have this on file, despite them saying that there are laws that prevent them from using it to pursue people. I don’t know. I felt very, very uneasy. It was very hard. I knew that I was going to do it as soon as it came out. I knew that I was going to do it, I just really didn’t want to do it.

Julia’s narrative illustrates what I encountered with several 1.5GUY who were in the process of

applying for DACA: in order to achieve the stability and security that the two-year legal stay provides, youth must turn over addresses, photographs, personal information, school records, etc.—a process that itself causes fear, discomfort, and insecurity. Together, these narratives illustrate the tensions between

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desire and need, but also that everyday life often entails trade-offs between one emotion or experience associated with SofB and going through a negative emotion. For example, in the pursuit of gaining acceptance, security, and stability, an individual may experience discomfort and the disruption of intimate relationships. To achieve one emotion associated with SofB, a 1.5GUY may subject themselves to an experience not necessarily associated with SofB.